The Power in Imperfection

This may not be the longest post, but for me it represents one of the most profound shifts in thinking I have experienced.

I have been through a long journey in this lifetime alone, learning about love, as we all are. Learning how to love myself was an epic one for me, lasting years in my current incarnation, and spanning more lifetimes than just this one. I now believe I have tipped the balance with that particular lesson – I am not perfect at loving myself, but I have achieved a certain level of mastery and there is room now for the next lesson. The next lesson appears to be allowing myself to receive the love of others.

The bridging point between the two, at least in my experience, seems to be in the power of imperfection.

In this life I have been a perfectionist as far back as I can remember. I did not like to do anything in front of people that I wasn’t especially good at. Even performing in front of an audience brings out involuntary nerves, hot flushes and palpitations, despite the fact that I can sing reasonably well and play passable rhythm guitar if I have rehearsed enough. Although I have always had a love of writing and was quite prolific in my poetry as a teenager, I developed writer’s block that went on for many years simply because my writing was not perfect, according to my own judgement.

For this reason I have always viewed myself in quite a judgemental way, believing that I was not pretty enough, special enough, talented enough, for my dreams to come true. Seeing myself as second best or worse, every single time, in every single situation. Being hard on myself turned into a neverending rat run of trying to pack my days with as much “productive” activity as I could cram in, from study, to developing my channelling and reading skills, to forcing myself to write rather than just writing from the heart, to going over and above in every job I’ve ever worked but leaving little time and energy for myself, to cramming my children’s days with endless so-called educational experiences in an effort to prove to myself that I’m an ok mum.

Over-productive is counter-productive, of course. Over-active is tantamount to counter-intuitive. I see now that in booking up all of my time with “productive” activities, I blocked the manifestation of my true heart’s desires, because I depleted myself repeatedly of the cosmic energy that is my birthright, that could have been otherwise streamed into meditation, visualisation, and taking steps towards my ultimate dreams of being a writer, a spiritual teacher, and achieving an ideal love relationship in my life. No wonder those dreams always felt just that little bit out of reach. For as long as I was in that cycle, they always were.

The cosmic energy that we all generate when we are at rest and relaxed, that we all pull in from the universe with every breath, is of course love. Love is creative, catalystic and magical. When harnessed and released in force, it writes scripts for miracles. When scattered around too many industrious activities, its effect is still worthwhile, and yet diminished; it can never manifest as its fullest potential.

I have learned that it is ok to do the things that are in my heart to do, even if I am scared to do them sometimes. It is ok to reach out to people I feel drawn to – I am beginning to find there is usually a back-story at soul level, and mostly they do not think I am mad, just awakened. It is ok to write what is in my heart without knowing exactly what words will come – in fact, this is the natural way to write, with pure, raw, vulnerable emotion…with love dripping irresistably from every word. It is ok to do things I love to do, such as singing or playing my guitar, and not be perfect, but just in the process of learning and reconnecting to it, and doing it for the joy of doing it. It is ok to say no to work sometimes in order to do relaxing activities I enjoy, such as playing with my kids in the garden, reading for pleasure, or going for a walk.

I am not perfect for a reason. I am not perfect because I am human, and in being human, I knew on a soul level I would always be a work in progress, I would always be on a learning journey, and every step is beautiful, every step leads to soul growth, every step benefits all of humanity.

In my imperfection lies my power. In my rawness lies my authenticity. In my vulnerability lies my strength. In being the real me and knowing I am not second best, but a beloved child of God just like everybody else, and a beautiful and magnificent soul with a unique song to sing to the world, lies my purity. In being right here, right now, in the present moment, I am giving my love to the universe, to every other being, and to you.

Whatever you feel drawn to do, whoever you feel drawn to talk to, and wherever you feel drawn to go, follow the urges of your heart, knowing that it doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s safe to be who you are, exactly as you are right now. In fact, the evolution of humanity depends on it.

Copyright  © Silverla StMichael 2015

Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/spiritualsolace

Website for readings: http://spiritualsolace.webeden.co.uk

Email contact: spiritualsolace22@gmail.com

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Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes!

Hello Dear Readers!

Apologies for my recent writer’s block. This is a busy time of year for me in real life, and there is less time to indulge my spiritual quest.

However, the main reason I have been absent is an unexpected change of path, and this must lead to changes around my blog.

For a number of years now I have walked an Eclectic Pagan path. I have enjoyed, learned and been enriched through this. I have learned that magick is real, that we can indeed influence our destiny with conscious co-creation; I am still learning how to live in season, and how to truly absorb the healing and loving energies of nature, of our Mother Earth.

But still, something didn’t quite feel right for me. I have struggled for many years with one particular lesson: how to relinquish control. In the Law of Attraction, there is a key stage in manifestation that I never quite mastered – LETTING GO. Despite using the mantra “Let go, let God”; despite trying every which way I might to trust the universe to deliver my wishes in the right way for my highest good; I still found myself stressing out repeatedly about the hows, whens, whys and wherefores of manifesting my needs, goals and heart’s desires. With the effect that things would manifest, but usually in a slightly different way, with added complications or obstacles, than I had intended.

I have always wanted my path to be one of service, one of love. An angelic path to go with an angelic heart. A mystical path to go with a mystical mind.

I think my problem was feeling I had to label it.

I have been helped to overcome this problem by the greatest teacher to have walked the earth: Christ. Days before I was due to attend a BSSK Mind, Body and Spirit event in April, he came to me in a dream. I have dreamed about Jesus before, but not for some time. I resonated closely with the energy of Jesus during my Christian upbringing. In the dream, he appeared angry at first – perhaps angry is not the right word, perhaps more confused or frustrated at my choices, for he was still exuding kindness and understanding and above all love – he is of course a being of the purest love. He spoke to me, though I didn’t remember the words upon waking. It touched me deeply. At the BSSK event, I attended a workshop devoted to awakening the higher heart chakra, in which we worked with none other than Jesus. During the meditation, I saw him approach before the workshop leader brought him in. He placed one hand on my third eye and the other on my crown; meantime I felt Archangel Michael, my constant protector and guide, place calming hands on my shoulders, wings around them touching my heart. They were healing me – freeing me of this need to control. Putting the final piece in place in that jigsaw and completing that lesson. After the workshop I also felt drawn to purchase a Christ aura spray, which I have been working with ever since. Even the lady at the stall saw my aura after using the spray and commented that I had found what I needed right now.

Three linked events, to me, is not a coincidence: it’s a sign. It took weeks for me to assimilate the lesson and the healing. I knew that Paganism was no longer the right path for me – not in isolation. Neither was Christianity – of course, I had already found that, years ago. I had been attracted for some time to interfaith webpages and communities and my realisation has been that I am on my own spiritual path, interfaith in every way, seeing beauty and wisdom in all faiths and no faiths. The higher beings – angels, guides and ascended masters – do not see division of faith. They see only faith. They do not see right paths or wrong paths. They see only paths. They see from a higher perspective – one of pure love. In reality, there is only one’s own path. There is only one’s own truth. There is only love. And our paths spiral inwards, like a labyrinth, from our outer learning to our inner soul – our link while incarnate to our higher self. For some, one particular path is right for their soul’s learning; for others, it is right to explore the path of atheism and complete self-sufficiency; for others still, the path is personal and assimilates learning from many sources.

Since these events, I have felt peace and love like I have never known. I have had the energy to be more of service than ever. I have felt closer to the angels, and awakened a connection with the Ascended Masters – those souls such as Jesus who have ascended from earthly existence and now act as heavenly guides to those still on earth. While I wouldn’t say I have no stress, I certainly have an assurance that all will come right in the end, and that I can indeed trust. I can indeed let go.

I have focused my energies into the Spiritual Solace FB page during this time, and now I feel I can come back here and resume writing.

Of course, this  blog needs to grow and evolve along with its author, hence the name and energy change.

I will continue to update the Season by Season section, but incorporating more than just Pagan festivals. The posts will now be about a much wider journey, and may still include magical inspirations, but also meditations, prayers, mystical experience. I will start up the Archangel and Crystal additions when I have time. I have re-named the Pages section as “A Labyrinth of Lessons”. They are different than the posts I make out here. The posts are more about sharing the journey, sharing experience, and sharing spiritual tools that may help others find solace, magick, power and peace. The pages are crystallised chunks of my learning from years of experience – free lessons to all readers who may need them.

Angel blessings to all of you!

Silverla. Xxx.