Dedicated to John Frusciante
My heart has been pulled this week to thinking about the many losses of famous faces we have seen in recent times, the many RIP messages I have tearfully posted as final marks of respect, appreciation, gratitude and above all, love. When a person puts their music, or art, or performance out into the world, it is my perception that they are sharing a creation of love, that was meant to touch hearts, inspire and uplift, heal and help make sense of this experience we collectively call life on earth. Though we don’t know them personally, it’s a glimpse into their soul and possibly beyond, into humanity’s higher mind. And when we grow to love and appreciate it, a form of unconditional love springs from our heart to theirs and to other souls we go on to share it with. In this way, the musicians, artists, actors, leaders, writers, visionaries and creatives we love come to mean a lot to us.
We are multidimensional beings. I state this as a truth because I don’t just believe it, I know it to be true in my own heart from experiences I have had in meditation and lucid dreams. We do not have to know somebody personally in this physical reality for our soul to connect with their soul. Souls connect through dreams and higher-dimensional experiences all the time. They swap information, messages and experiences, learn lessons together, fight battles together, heal each other, and all of this is given freely because at soul level there are no conditions on our love for each other as fellow human beings. I am willing to bet that many of you out there have experienced dream visitations and meetings with deceased loved ones or ancestors; people you have yet to meet who then become important later in your lives; and, indeed, famous people you feel a strong connection with.
There is a kind of energetic barrier between people who have manifested fame and people who have not, in physical reality, which comes from our perceptions, from an illusion of one state being better than the other. I consider those who manifest fame, essentially, to be strong and determined souls who at soul level wish to share powerful messages and healing energies with large numbers of people rather than just an immediate sphere of influence, though with that comes unique challenges. As someone who has always loved music and attended a lot of concerts, I have also witnessed star-struck hysteria, objectification of artists and treating them in many ways like public property rather than talented and also very human people who deserve to be properly “seen” and respected (in many cases unconditional love turned conditional, expecting something in return), and the resultant fears for artists’ safety, leading to actual physical barriers and security personnel. The core truth is, we are all souls sharing a human experience and we all have purposes, missions and reasons for being here – we all have unique contributions to make to the world.
We are all one – and separation, perceived separation, feeling alone, misunderstood, or unsafe in the world generates the opposite or absence of love, which is fear. This applies to many different situations and walks of life. When given power, fear can silence us from speaking our truths, prevent us from being courageous enough to follow our heart’s dreams and desires or achieve our life’s purpose, and sometimes, dull our passions or taint our talents with self-doubt or the unbearable weight of perceived responsibility to produce ever more, ever better. When actually, it seems to me, all we ever have to do is be ourselves, the most real, loving and authentic version of ourselves we can possibly be. And that is more than enough because no one person has to fix the whole world alone. Together we are mighty. And together we can redirect and shift our focus and our energy wholly onto unconditional love. We all have the capacity to inspire unconditional love in each other and I guarantee you will have inspired it in somebody somewhere, and not even realised, already in your life. Every one of you.
Many of us may have one particular singer, actor, artist, writer or musician who has touched our life, heart or soul more so than any other. For some, they may be a so-called celebrity crush; or somebody whose music or art has spoken to their spirit and touched their soul, bringing them comfort and healing; or someone whose work or whose story has inspired them to be a better person; or someone whose work they love so much they are influenced by it and incorporate elements of it in their own mission; or somebody they feel they have connected with at soul level in dreams, past lives or other dimensions…or any combination of the above. I wonder how many of us have paused for thought recently about how it would be if we were to lose that particular person who has been instrumental in our lives and most likely without knowing it.
There are many musicians, still living and on the other side of life, who I love deeply on a soul level but I do have that one stand-out person who has touched my heart and soul more than any other. That person for me is John Frusciante, who some of you will know is a talented musician and music producer who started out playing arguably legendary guitar for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And when I was posting my respects to Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington recently, the thought began haunting me about what I would have posted had it been him in their shoes. It made me think about how grateful I am to have made that connection in my life and to have enjoyed his work and his music. I realised that I would have a lot I would want to say, and how sad it would be to say it to the rest of humanity in his absence, rather than while we still share the same planet. With my friends, family and professional contacts I am a demonstrative person, who does not believe in anything being left unsaid (as anyone who has ever received a thank you or special birthday card or message from me will vouch for). And I have reached out to him with little messages of thanks and support before, but they have definitely not been as heartfelt as the gratefulness and unconditional love they have come from – because I have allowed fear to control and constrain them. I have allowed the status quo of that perceived divide between an artist and a fan to silence most of what I would say given the freedom to do so, for fear of other people thinking I was being weird, overstepping boundaries, or becoming obsessive.
Here’s the thing though: it’s only if someone expects something back and conditional love is created that those destructive patterns set in. (And not just between artists and fans, but between ex-partners, or between any two people where one has feelings for the other, or a desire for friendship, that are not necessarily returned in kind.) That does not have to happen. The core of any emotional connection to any other human being, before it is influenced by ego desires and illusory perceptions, is unconditional love. Unconditional love is liberating and free, seeking only ever to express itself and spill out love and light into the world. Unconditional love understands, too, that whatever love is shared and expressed comes back to its source in equal measure, though sometimes from other directions and in surprising ways. Unconditional love trusts that there is a reason for everything, that all is well and that it is always loved in return, because real love only generates ever more love. It is the highest and purest energy in the universe and it can and will heal this world if we would only choose it over fear and the consequent fearful desires to control other people and situations and set ridiculous, non-loving demands – as well as limits – on ourselves. And I also realised that only I can give myself the freedom to choose it, the freedom to say what I really feel, and the freedom to do what I feel in my heart no matter what anybody else thinks about it. We all hold that power within ourselves, and sometimes when we wield it we also inspire other people to unlock that power within themselves too.
Incidentally, this applies to many different situations, too. It could apply to what you would want to say to a family member or friend you have lost touch with and perceive a divide, scared of their anger, bitterness or rejection should you try and reach out. It could apply to someone you have feelings for but are too scared of rejection to say so. It could even apply to a stranger you met somewhere who acted as an earth angel to you and you have gratitude and appreciation and love for them in your heart and no avenue to express it. But there is always an avenue to express the love and gratefulness in your heart, because it is such a powerful force it will always find a way if you allow it to. For me it is often the written word (even if that’s done via an open letter or social media post with the intention that if it’s meant to be it may someday reach the person I wish to reach), for others it may be performing a song, and for others it may be spoken. We also don’t always know the true reasons why we are driven to say or do things to express our love in the world. Life is a wild ride and we never know what’s around the corner. It may not always be meant to reach the person who initially inspired unconditional love in your heart – it may sometimes be that someone else reading or hearing it will be forever touched, inspired, or influenced by your expression, or that someone will be drawn to your open heart, reach out to you and become a lifelong friend. A particular and very relevant quote which echoes this has been haunting me, too: “Aim for the moon – even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” The universe knows what it’s doing when it inspires us to express unconditional love; it’s always a force for transformation, ours or someone else’s. And as we are all intricately connected in the great web of life, surrendering to it in trust must surely always be a good move.
True courage is indeed feeling the fear we are faced with and doing what our heart wants us to do anyway. Not one of us knows which day will be our last, a fact I become more and more consciously aware of as I get older. I still have unfulfilled dreams and wishes and it’s a constant source of frustration that life circumstances dictate I can’t always take any action towards them. But unspoken words, I can do something about, if I choose love over fear. So I am doing what my heart wants me to do and allowing it to express what it wants to say in tribute and gratefulness for the amazing and truly unique musician it now calls its muse and inspiration, John Frusciante, whose beautiful work and whose bright soul have touched my heart more than any other – now, in this present moment, in unconditional love untainted by sadness, grief or loss. I am doing it for me, for the sake of choosing love over fear, for the light and peace it generates, and to demonstrate that it is safe to do so. And if it inspires even one other person to express the love or the truth or the unspoken words in their heart to somebody in this world who has touched their heart and soul who may have felt unreachable to them for whatever reason, I would love to know. I would count it as a real blessing and a testament to the power of unconditional love.
I had always been intensely aware of angelic and spiritual connections from childhood. I have said in posts before that I heard angel-song at the age of four, saw fire letters written on my bedroom wall at the age of eight and had my first out of body experience at the age of eleven. I had also always had a love of music, participating in choirs and ensembles with various instruments from primary school onwards. Somewhere along the way as a teenager, my self-esteem was damaged, part by bullying, part by suffering with acne for much of puberty and part, I am sure, by my reaction to it all and allowing myself to become a victim. So when people told me the things I believed were weird I believed them, and kept quiet about it, even buried it in my own memory to some extent. And when people told me I wasn’t good enough at singing or music – or writing, my other passion — to perform or publish it in front of people, I believed them, and chose more so-called “sensible” routes and options for employment – for a long time I even put them to one side as hobbies. I must add, when I say people, in no way do I mean my own blood family, who always supported me, believed in me, really “saw” me for who I am as a soul. They were my touchstones through those times.
I was in the midst of a deep spiritual re-awakening circa 2003 – coming back to the pull I had always felt to soul work by way of a crystal healing course and an incredible amount of self-healing – when I first discovered John’s music; firstly his considerable contributions to the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ repertoire (which also still deeply touches my soul), and then it didn’t take me too long to become even more drawn to his own individual music. The timing of it, honestly, could not have been more perfect and I suppose this goes a long way to my firm belief in synchronicity over coincidence. There is an incomparable excitement when you first connect with a song or album that touches your soul (I know music lovers will get what I am talking about), and with this particular music I felt it even more intensely – in fact, I perhaps didn’t appreciate that feeling enough at the time, and maybe only truly understand what a positive force that was for me now that he is putting less music out there.
It’s always going to be hard to explain quite why any music touches you that much more than anything before or since, because it’s something that is felt rather than necessarily consciously understood. There were many themes in his music that echoed my own thoughts, feelings and emotions, or gave voice to things I felt with my soul that I had not yet been able to express. Some of them were more about life experiences and brought me healing and peace from past heartaches. Some of them were more spiritual in nature and aligning with my core inner beliefs which I was giving myself permission to re-explore at that time, from the nature of time to the existence of other dimensions to the concept of infinity itself. This music became my absolute go-to music when I was experiencing any sort of negative emotion or internal struggle, and as any spiritual person will know, with deeper awakening often comes the time of the storm, chaos and change, breakdowns in relationships and complete 360-degree plot twists, so there was a lot of anger, sadness, regret, bitterness and anxiety surfacing. The struggles I speak of were mostly over my major life lesson of learning to love who I am and being empowered and strong enough to express myself as that person. They are nothing like the suffering I have witnessed many other people close to me facing in life, and for that I am grateful, but still, they were my struggles, and it is surprisingly hard to alter negative programming instilled in your psyche over a number of years. But every time I listened to John’s music, there was something not only in the lyrics, but in the choices of chord progressions, the unusual harmonies, the haunting melodies, the energy within and between and beyond them, that soothed, comforted, calmed, uplifted, empowered and made me feel more like myself. Something familiar that felt like home. There was maybe something resonant of the divine music I had heard in the small hours of the early morning when I was a child, and maybe something resonant of my own inner core energy. I felt like it amplified me, my vibration. I still do.
The ability to create music with that sort of power, that sort of healing potential, that sort of revelatory capacity, I believe is rare and something to be treasured. It goes far and away beyond talent or musicianship and into the realms of destined life purpose, I am sure. It has been transformative for me – of course, as we all are, I am still a work in progress and life is still ever changing and evolving but that time was a turning-point in me starting to embrace my spiritual path. And because of the love I already had for John’s music and the gratefulness I already felt for him having shared it with the world, when I inevitably connected with other people who loved the Red Hot Chili Peppers and they told me about his strength in overcoming addictions I had nothing but deep admiration for this warrior soul; and when they told me about the way he fearlessly spoke his own spiritual truths in interviews, including communing with spirits and angels and channelling energy, art and wisdom from the higher dimensions, it made me feel far less crazy in my own beliefs, increasingly able to share my own spiritual gifts of channelling energy and messages with others, and determined to help and guide other people emerging onto a spiritual path. I know there are many other people out there who have been deeply inspired and touched by both John’s music and his story; I have read their stories with warmth and gratefulness in my own heart. He may not have set out to be, but he has been an earth angel to many people around the globe and there is so much love out there for him – real, unconditional love.
I will be forever grateful that I was able on several occasions to hear John play live with the band. I have been present at many truly fantastic and once-in-a-lifetime concerts but nothing else has ever compared to the energy I experienced on those nights. The most memorable was perhaps a tiny gig they played at Canvas club in London in 2006 – the atmosphere was very different to a stadium and there was far more of a sense of connection between the audience and the band – it was also the first time I heard some of the songs of that era that have since become part of the soundtrack of my life. Those experiences are some of my most cherished memories because it truly is an experience of pure joy to hear first-hand and in its most raw and authentic expression, music that has become part of your soul. Those experiences also amplified the sense of soul connection I personally felt from how deeply this musician has touched my heart. My ultimate dream since those days has always been to hear John play his own solo music live, which has never yet become a reality. In fact, in the interests of not placing limits, the ultimate dream would be for that to happen as part of a trip to California, where I have been soul-drawn to due to past life memories for some time and which would likely be a once-in-a-lifetime thing for me given that I live in England and have commitments and responsibilities here, as we all do. To speak the truest and most authentic desires of my heart, the even more ultimate and wilder dream would be to be able to play a song or piece of music together with the musician I admire and resonate with more than any other. These seem unlikely dreams now, as he is more focused on other things in life (ever true to himself and his own path and quite rightly so) – but I know my heart will never give up on them – again quite rightly so. Nobody should give up on their dreams while they still have breath in their body. We all have the right to dream.
Going back to childhood, I also had other dreams. I dreamed of inspiring, guiding and teaching other people. I did in fact become a school-teacher and the dream of being a spiritual teacher is ultimately now also coming true as my vibration grows stronger and I attract like-minded souls who can benefit from my past path and experience. As my channel has become clearer with every step towards healing, I have even been guided to intermingle my passion for music with my passion for spirituality by exploring the possibility of reading people’s lives using the songs that mean the most to them. (And wouldn’t I love to give some of my favourite musicians, John included, a song reading! That would be so interesting!) I dreamed of writing, and I am now documenting my spiritual experiences on this blog and getting a lot of positive response from you bright souls out there. I do have ideas for books and am trying to manifest the time and space to write them. Despite change and challenge in relationships, parenthood and career over the years, I feel I am now emerging into my true purpose and fulfilment, and through the whole rollercoaster journey, the inspiration I take from John’s music has been a constant.
And I dreamed of singing or playing a musical instrument. Those I was given opportunity to learn in childhood did not strongly resonate but I always wanted to play guitar and piano. I had already learned some basics on the guitar prior to discovering John’s music and of course the passion for music it re-ignited led me to taking it up again. I seized the opportunity when it arose to revisit study as an adult with the Open University and achieved their Diploma in Music. Though I would never say never, it’s unlikely that I’ll ever play with a band or on stage again now but I can play some rhythm guitar for pleasure and I am now finally learning to play the piano – in my forties and around my work and childcare commitments. These were things that were always in my heart to do that had been sidelined because of lack of self-belief…things that I am now doubly determined to do to the best of my ability for the love of it, for the soaring feeling of mastering a piece and playing it well, for the sense of wellbeing, achievement and yes, that pure joy of live music in the moment and from my heart. It makes such a difference to my inner life, my vibration and my creative force. But it was always going to take a truly inspirational musician to give me that fire back to make music again when my self-confidence had dropped to such a low level, and I was lucky enough to find that inspiration in John. He has influenced my journey just as much as many people in my immediate circle. Just by being the soul he is, he has taught me so much and given me courage to tackle this lifetime’s lessons – including expanding my capacity for true unconditional love. His music has been my comfort and my strength for so long now it is part of my soul. He means the world to me and I honestly cannot imagine a universe without his music – without his energy – in it. I wish him so much happiness, fulfilment, peace and of course, love. And even if he never knows it and regardless of what anybody thinks about it, that remains part of my truth. There will always be unconditional love and gratefulness in my heart for him.
And of course, I am aware he is not perfect; no one of us is. By virtue of the fact that we still inhabit the earth in a human body, we are still growing and learning spiritually, still evolving, works in progress. It is possible to witness somebody’s darkest times and find beauty in the grace and power they reveal when overcoming them – and I have certainly seen the light, strength and courage of a true warrior in John. And as a result I have unshakeable faith in him and his ability to always return to his highest and best self, no matter what twists and turns come along the way and whether or not it fits in with anybody else’s hopes, dreams or projections. Unconditional love is not blind to imperfections. Unconditional love sees a person’s imperfections and loves them anyway, sometimes even loves them more because in the dance between magnificence and imperfection lies a person’s unique energy signature. Unconditional love sees a person at soul level, and honours the magnificent flame of light burning inside them, no matter what is said or done in this physical plane. And every one of us can open our hearts and vibrate with the frequency of unconditional love, through our intention, our passion and our heightened states of emotion.
None of us know what is around the corner, ever. We can make plans and we can keep dreams in our heart, but life, guided by our higher selves and the divine plan, can take very different winding roads to those we see ourselves travelling on. I believe we are infinite in the sense that our souls live on after death and come back time and again on this unfolding spiritual journey towards ascension beyond the physical plane. I believe we are reunited with those we have loved dearly in the higher dimensions, so we can never truly lose each other, and love – real, unconditional love – is more powerful than death itself. I myself still connect with my father, who passed in 2010, through dreams and music I associate with him, as well as other relatives on the other side, spirit guides, living friends and family when in their physical absence, even my children before they were born and yes, indeed, famous people I feel soul connected to, on both sides of the veil. I had dream visitations from both Robin Williams and Alan Rickman after their passing from this life and I have of course connected with John and other living musicians I love in my dreams, too. Some people say they are just dreams. Something in my heart and the recognition of people’s vibrations – how they feel to me when I am in their presence either physically or energetically – tells me that the truth is they are glimpses of our higher dimensional experience, which is playing out even now alongside our earthly life. So I am truly able (and blessed) to understand that separation is an illusion – we are all ultimately connected and none of us are ever really alone.
Still, there is something about telling the souls around you – the souls you share this journey with (time and again in some cases!), the souls that help to shape and grow and define you as the most beautiful and authentic expression of the magnificent light being you truly are – what they mean to you here and now, on the earth plane, in the physical dimension, in this lifetime. Something beautiful, empowering, divine, everlasting and creating magic in its wake with the power of unconditional love expressed through the physical vessel – grounded, made manifest, written in the book of life – the Akashic record – here on planet earth for eternity. I am not saying that John is the one and only person who has helped me heal or lit up my life, the difference being it is easier to express to and thank those friends and loved ones I am in physical or online contact with, and believe me, I have, and I do. I am grateful for all those souls who have touched my heart and shared my journey, my readers included. But this piece of writing is dedicated to him, the musician who is both my muse and my solace, and the one soul in the universe whose unique expression in this lifetime has inspired such growth and transformation in me from so far away.
I wholeheartedly encourage you to express your love, in every way, every day, with everyone you can who has touched your heart, your life and your soul. And if you have someone who means the world to you but you’re not in contact with, for whatever reason, you can still take the present moment – which is all we ever really have to work with and which is the true place of power – to write an open letter expressing your unconditional love for them. And if you do have a musician or famous person who means the world to you, don’t wait, speak it now, while they and you are both still here; speak it fully and authentically, even tag them in it via their social media if you are able. If it’s meant to find them, it will. And if it’s in your heart to do it, there will be a reason for that, either for you, for them, or for someone else you have yet to discover in the next chapter of your story. You never know just what good it will do in the world. My heart is lighter for writing this and I am grateful I was inspired and able to find the courage to do it. I am naturally quite an introspective person who doesn’t like to draw too much attention to my private thoughts and feelings and I am taking a huge leap of faith here posting it. May we all ever grow in our capacity for infinite and unconditional love and in so doing may we find true peace, as individuals, as an interconnected global community of human beings whose default setting is in fact love, not fear – and may we manifest peace fully on this planet we currently call home.
I love you all infinitely, brave warrior souls who walk this earth with me. If you have ever felt guided to do something similar, please consider the gauntlet well and truly thrown down, though with love and with my belief that you are all able to be the best, most beautiful and authentic versions of yourselves and to create magic and miracles with every step you take.
Written with love by Silverla StMichael on 22nd July 2017.