You may have noticed that I have added some new pages to this website but I have not actually updated on the general blog for a few weeks. I am very much going through a time of introspection, with so much happening on my internal landscape, but at times lacking the words or the energy to bring it forth into writing and share it with readers of my blog.
I am now at a ‘pause point’ – a time to stop, rest and integrate the energies that have been building up for me in recent weeks – so it is an ideal time to take stock and share.
So much has happened internally that I am struggling to remember every detail at this point to record it down. Hence, I tend to record only the truly key definining moments; the moments in which everything shifts forever. As regular readers may know, I have spent a lot of time in recent weeks cleansing, clearing, processing, and letting go of energies, beliefs, fears and paradigms which no longer serve me. However, as much as I felt things shift and leave me, and lighter, brighter energies coming in, I was still very much on an up-and-down rollercoaster ride where my energy would feel light and loving for days and then dip back down furiously into fear, negative self-talk and feeling like nothing is changing. I would hazard a guess that a lot of people walking a spiritual path have felt like that at times in the period of time since the winter solstice and possibly even beyond.
Once I recognised this pattern, things began to happen that would shift my experience of the world forever – things both subtle and momentous, simultaneously, in nature.
Signs and synchronicities began to build infinitely, for one thing. I have had reconnections with old friends and soul sisters who have been part of my journey before and left for a time. I have had insights from reading coinciding at just the right moment in my journey to answer deep and burning questions. I have had amazing readings which have confirmed certain things I believe that are almost unbelievable. Step by step, this has reduced the endless barrage of questions which dance through my mind. Many of them received their final answer. My inner voice – previously known as my ego and I will explain this more in a short while – was beginning to submit to silence. My self-talk was shifting from negative and repetitive, to joyful and loving and bringing forth new insights. I was beginning to feel like I was emerging into the light, after being submerged in confusion, extremes, an uncontrollable ocean of emotion for a whole cycle of my life, spanning years. I was starting to step into a state of surrender to the will of my higher self, and faith in the universe to manifest everything I need for my highest good.
Quite unexpectedly, I was drawn to watch a video which was posted in a Facebook group I recently joined. The video was by a spiritual teacher named Matt Kahn – you can look him up on his YouTube channel “True Divine Nature” if you feel drawn to do so. I am not going to paraphrase his teachings, but suffice to say that are really quite revolutionary. And for anyone who feels ‘stuck’ in the same repeating pattern and unable to transcend it to reach a higher state of consciousness, joy, vibration, happiness and fulfilment, I recommend you watch some of his videos with my whole heart. In short, he has made me look at my spiritual practice in a new way; that subtle shifts in thought patterns and the way I respond to life could change everything; that I didn’t need to have long and convoluted daily spiritual routines; that there IS indeed a way to be ‘in flow’ and to let things unfold naturally. The synchronicity of this is profound – that it came alongside my surrender to and faith in the universe, or God – whatever name you choose to call the living energy force and flow of love that permeates everything, including ourselves, and makes everything one.
Learning to celebrate life and all that arises, to love it, bless it, treasure it and see that it is all purposeful, it is all perfect and it is all good, I then had the fortune to spend the weekend with a dear friend, watching a wonderful band (The Script) in concert as well as having some amazing discussions – a mixture of the deep and esoteric and the not-so-deep and everyday life – for which I am truly grateful. The weekend was pivotal for me, in more ways than one. I realised I was beginning to bring through an inner wisdom and an inner source of power in my interactions – aligning with my higher self. I saw, for the first time, the path of my life opening up before me in miraculous ways and in infinite streams – how it would look in different dimensions of reality. I understood for the first time that I can step between the dimensions, depending on the vibration I emanate the most. I realised that I was beginning to anchor fifth dimensional consciousness. I’m sure my friend would agree. I also realised, from something the singer in the band said to the crowd, and from the fact that I had felt tired beyond belief and not so much like attending a concert earlier in the evening, that taking the opportunity to have ‘real’ experiences is so important. Our technology is precious indeed, because it allows us to connect with souls we resonate with all over the world, and makes it possible to find soulmates and soul family no matter how globally scattered we are; however, unlike our ancestors of Atlantis and other civilisations, it is important that we learn this time that it is not everything; that our experiences of connecting with others physically is so very important too. That is where the true feeling of joy, flow, harmony, peace and love arises. The experiences took on a new sense of magnitude when they also unleashed some very deep feelings of old wounds – deja vu from the concert experience brought this forth – and the way I responded to that differed greatly to how it may have done in the past. Instead of turning inwardly into my shell and wondering ‘why me’ I embraced and celebrated old sadness, old wound, old trauma, as if they were old friends. One of Matt Kahn’s most profound ideas for me (up to now) has been that when you are in emotional pain, you are healing in that moment; it is not something that requires action in terms of finding a path to that healing; it simply is. So I sat with it, and let it be, and let it come forth in me, in order to heal it. And realised how powerful a being I am, how powerful we all are as spiritual beings. That our choice of how to respond to emotions as they arise in the moment literally changes the course of our destiny, in a flash, in a heartbeat. That this was the key to manifesting the loving reality we all wish for in our heart of hearts.
What followed this was even more extraordinary. I have a wonderful friend and soul sister who I am working together with at the moment on our spiritual growth. Often our ‘conversations’ (online) lead to quite catalystic insights and experiences at the present time. While discussing some of the new paradigms we were welcoming in and the new energies we were anchoring, the master number 000 came up. We stopped and paused a minute with the realisation of that. It was momentous. Neither of us had ever aligned with that number before, indeed I don’t remember seeing it listed along with master number explanations when I have read about this before. We both agreed that it was a point of clarity, a zero point; a moment of total and complete reset, plunging into true surrender and faith. Earlier that evening, I had once again asked the universe for signs that I was on the right path, spiritually speaking and for my manifestations – I have been in the habit of this for quite some time. If the 000 wasn’t sign enough, I received two further signs of seeing rainbows in odd places (on-screen) and sudden shivers of joy coursing through my physical body (which I took to be a shift in vibration or a tangible feeling of love and connection). Then I heard the clearest of voices in my head: “Can we stop sending you signs now, and actually work on what you want to manifest?” The voice was kind, with a touch of amusement to it; not laughing at me, but definitely amused by my way of going about things, to the point that I laughed too, and replied telepathically, “Absolutely. Please do work on my actual manifestations, rather than showing me signs that I am making the right choices, and progressing towards them. I trust you to manifest the most joyous of futures for me.” While that was subtle as a change in perspective, I realised it was such an incredible shift, because for many years, I have been manifesting more and more signs that what I want is correct for my soul and for the highest good of all, instead of manifesting my dreams themselves into reality.
A word, now, about the inner voice. For many years, as many of us do, I have called this inner voice ego. One of the realisations, however, that I have had in the last few weeks, is that ego is not separate from me, and ego is not a word I especially resonate with any more. It is the inner part of me, from which derives my self-talk, which can sometimes be negative due to old patterns and experiences, from which derives my emotional reactions to events that arise in my life. It is the inner part I am mostly connected with as it is the nearest part to my physical human body and experience; however, it is also the door and the key to my soul, my higher self, my Divine self, my connection to the Divine. I have realised I need to be more loving towards this voice, as it is only part of me, and to some extent is part of me that may not feel listened to, that may feel somewhat misunderstood. I resolve here and now to only be loving towards my inner voice, to listen to it, but to have the wisdom to know which parts of its talk come from old programmes and patterns and which parts come from the higher self. Which is easy, because the parts that come from the higher self have a certain tone, clarity and sense of authority about them. The parts that come from old programmes and patterns tend to ‘ramble’ and be repetitive.
Following on from my revelation that I have been manifesting signs of my dreams coming true in the future, rather than manifesting my actual dreams, for more years than I care to count, during a further conversation I was, in quite an animated way, knocking myself out (for want of a better term) speaking my manifestations clearly to the universe, celebrating my desires and dreams coming into reality, claiming my power, and overflowing with love and joy and gratitude for being in that moment. The message I sent to my trusted friend full of these carefully-chosen yet flowing words of pure love and unbridled joy came up in red in the messenger box as having failed to send. In fact, my whole internet connection went off for a good ten minutes. My first inner reaction was with negative self-talk – the usual way I would respond, with frustration, indignation, but also taking it as a negative portent or the universe stopping me in my tracks – talk I had heard a thousand times: “That happened because you’re not meant to manifest that; that is because you can’t have what you’re asking for – it’s impossible, you’re not good enough; it’s happened because it’s not meant to be.” Remembering the recent teachings I had assimilated, however, my second reaction was to reply to this voice: “Thank you for your insight. I have heard this many times before; if it is true, please, tell me more! I celebrate what you have to say. Come on and hit me with it – tell me everything you have to say to about this. I can take it! I welcome it!” And the voice went silent. And I understood that was not the true reason it had happened. The next, very clear words came from my inner voice: “I just flipped the universe’s trip switch.”
In other words, with my joyous, trusting, loving, blissful, heart-centred manifestation statement of that which I had previously believed (or talked myself into believing) I was unworthy of, undeserving of, that which I had previously secretly believed was impossible no matter how I spoke of it on the surface, had flipped those old beliefs and limitations on their head. I had literally stepped into a different dimension, where all is possible, and it is completely inevitable that my highest dreams will manifest and materialise. A different dimension where there is only love, peace, harmony, bliss, every vibration and level of love imaginable. A different dimension where we are tuned in to our loving and wise higher selves, rather than a negative narrative of self-talk well-practised and over-rehearsed from years of battling with third dimensional paradigms. The fifth dimension.
Everything is possible, and since that moment I have seen the truth of this. I see now that all my dreams are possible, inevitable, and with me now, anchored in my heart, in my soul, in my reality and simply being worked out for the highest good by the universe, God, my soul’s spiritual team of angels and guides, including my very own higher self.
Since then I have been quite exhausted, and knowing I am in much need of rest, hence my having time to share this with you this weekend during a long lie-in – because of the shifts made. At the same time, I am maintaining a level of vibration where I feel peaceful and in flow, no matter what arises. Things no longer feel like a rush; I see the beauty of perfect Divine timing. And I am open to whatever comes, knowing I am attracting only my highest good to me, and knowing I have the tools and the capacity for loving responses within my soul to handle anything that comes my way.
~ Copyright Silverla StMichael 2015 ~
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